Living in Liminal Space
Although I have been planning to sell my house in the NY mid-Hudson River Valley since the day I bought it, 3 years ago next month I knew it would be to leave NYS. Last year at the End of August, I started putting everything in motion. I looked into making sure all the permits for the work I had contracted to do on this little old house were properly closed. Made sure we were inspection ready with a proper C.of.O for the additional space we created over the years we have been here.
Each step was a process. Each process we were dependent on people and conditions we didn’t have control over. Each step I worked my magic calling for the best outcome in the right time. Each time I worked my magic I also called for patience, insight, and understanding. There have been times where I’d get frustrated and impatient. Then suddenly, everything would move forward and I’d have a new set of things to do to prepare for the next step. Sometimes I could prepare while waiting, sometimes I couldn’t know what needed to be done or couldn’t do anything until the time was at hand. I’m certain we have all gone though similar situations.
The last week of October 2019 I flew to Phoenix. The organizer of Phoenix Pagan Pride Day invited me to present my workshop on Cacao Plant Medicine and I volunteered my time and services in the Spirit Tent. The days before 3P (Phoenix Pagan Pride) I was invited to attend an Ancestor’s Circle with her and her friends.
After 3P, we drove out of Phoenix, through the desert. Ending up on the Colorado River in Nevada. We spent a lovely week exploring hidden mountain lakes, meditative labyrinths, and magical spaces in the desert. Too soon it would be time to return to the North-East. Flying out of Las Vegas, I accepted and invitation to explore the Temple of Goddess Spirituality; an outdoor spiritual center dedicated to the goddess Sekhmet complete with open air temple space and labyrinth about and hour’s drive north of Las Vegas.
For 3 years now I have been traveling to the South-West. Each time is becomes harder to leave. It truly is all about who and less about where but I’ll save that for another time. Suffice to say, I’ll be going home and I have never left home because Home is where the heart lives.
I took a quick trip in December to Pagan’s in the Park- Orlando Florida. I did a thing and was feeling bold and accomplished. I saw a FB post that although there were presenters and ritualists enough to run the event, they were welcoming new comers to submit workshop proposals and lead the evening ritual. After confirming with friends that their offer for a couch to crash on should I ever make it down to Orlando was still valid, I messaged Orlando Pagan in the Park’s organizer, introduced myself and offered to submit class proposals for them to choose one. What ended up happening is they asked me to do the cacao ceremony as the evening ritual instead of as a workshop, and to present my Astrology talk on Thriving and not just Surviving Retrogrades. Excitedly, I let my friends know I that they wanted me to not just give a talk but also lead ritual. After a bit of a chuckle, they told me that they were realizing I didn’t know they were the event organizers. I’m still proud of myself. It took a lot of courage to ask when I didn’t know to whom I was talking. That turned into an amazing weekend with friends. The ceremony was exactly as it should have been (and we never really know what that is until its happening) and that talk went in a direction I never took it before. Waiting to see it’s to be a book on its own or a chapter in another book. Time will tell.
All Winter and into Spring I look forward to The Morrigan’s Call Retreat in Connecticut in June. This year I was also looking forward to Renee Damoiselle’s Goddess Divine Retreat in Sedona for Spring Equinox.
We got everything I thought we needed to do done to be able to list the house by the first days of March. I was disappointed that my February trip to with the home of my heart was cancelled, but since we already had a weekend planned together in March the weekend before the retreat, we were ok. My living room still a wreck after the painter’s left, my son drove me to NYC to hop on a plane and off I went. I got to see friends, and do that beautiful desert drive, and when I got to where my Heart would be meeting with me the next day and staying with me for the weekend I got the call; the conference retreat was cancelled. I am grateful I was already in AZ. The plan was to come home and clean up so I could list the house if not for the 1st of Spring then for soon after.
With the Goddess retreat cancelled, I was able to get a flight home easily. The cancellation was due to the Covid-19 pandemic. The flight home was empty and cheap. I returned to NYS through Newark International Airport in New Jersey. My son picked me up at the airport even though I planned to just take the train home.
Where I originally planned to get the house ready to list in a week, I now had months to get ready while waiting for NYS to allow Real Estate activity again. I cleaned my living room. I transitioned my main workshop for MCR to an online talk. Asked to produce at least 1 more presentation as I had been scheduled to give 3 in person, I started to pitch an idea. That idea was met with “write that book and present it next year in person.” So another book gets added to my to-do list in the midst of chaos.
The house gets painted. The gardens groomed. I present my workshop on Toxic Positivity at MCR online. It was a great experience for me. As apprehensive as I was about being recorded, I watched the recording. For the first time, I got to see what others saw when I teach. I honestly was impressed with myself. I must have been channeling most of the time and it was like taking a class from someone else. I found myself taking notes. I was asked to conduct an after the class discussion group. After the first session I knew there was another book I had to write. Then it hit me. The book I have been trying to focus on writing for almost 3 years isn’t 1 book. Its a 3 part series. I made an agreement that once I was settled where i was going and felt safe and secure in my new home, I would focus on writing the book for next year’s talk/class. After that, I would write the other two and whatever else what on my “to-do/to-write” list.
Within days, my Real Estate Agent has someone for us to work with that was experience with online listings and showings. Soon after, we had a photographer willing to come in the house that turned out to be the original photographer my agents wanted to work with. As soon as the photos were ready, NYS was open to Real Estate. The listing went live on Monday. Within an hour we had 2 showings for Tuesday. Although Thursday night, on the 3rd day of showings, with the 13th showing, we would meet this house’s buyer, we had showing booked through Saturday. 19 in 5 days. That Friday our buyer made an offer in writing the day after the saw the house. On Saturday we accepted their offer.
We are just waiting for their bank to set a closing date. Talk about motivated energies. Whether it will be good or not, that book will be at least in rough first draft soon.
Right now, I now the area I going to and who I will be with but the how, when and exactly where are up in the air. We can’t plan that until we know the when and that’s not something in my control.
It really is all about control. I do busy work when I am up to it. Packing what I want to bring but don’t need access to right now. Giving away or properly disposing of what we don’t want to take with us that no one else wants or can use. Resting. Resting. Resting.
Shadow work gets done when you let yourself do it. My Heart’s home has been an amazing support for me through this process of unpacking my self as I packed my house. He assures me that it has not been one-sided either.
When you no longer feel like you are where you used to be but it isn’t time to head towards where you are meant to go… you are in the chrysalis. You are unbecoming so you can become something new. You rest and you learn to let go. When you are ready to let go, you learn you can fly.
