Day by Day and Step by Step
June 6th, 2021- Sunday Night, 8pm AZ time/11pm EDT and 3 hrs after the 2nd Day and the 1st weekend of MCR 2021 Online came to a close. Leaving us in the liminal space of no longer in an online space together but still holding sacred space for each other and ourselves.
Saturday Raven Tribe Badb gave a guided meditation about meeting aspects of The Morrigan known as Fea, Nemhain and Badb while being guided down a flowing river. She, Herself reached into us and pulled out something that had remained which hurt.
I don’t often process the images of meditation while going through the guided journey. The seed of suggestion is planted and waiting for me to let my guard down. Generally it happens when I am close to sleep and no longer on ‘guard duty’ for my community.
Sunday Raven Tribe Macha also offered a guided meditation journey. This time, we were given the suggestion to notice what was holding us back and hurting as a festering mass which we could rip off and offer to Her Crows. It would be a willing and deliberate choice to offer it as a sacrificial offering and give up ownership.
After we closed the Online Meeting room and paused the retreat for the week, the tired caught up with me and I slept deeply. Waking suddenly and will words flowing like river water through my mind. We are in the middle of the 2nd weekend of The Morrigan’s Call Retreat. In the liminal space between day 3 being over and day 4 not yet begun Today we met with Anu. I feel grounded while limitless in Her presence. I am now ready to share what I wrote nearly a week ago.
The Morrigan does not want your perfection, She wants your best effort. But don’t do something half-assed, shrug your shoulders and say you did your best that you could because that’s a lie. The Morrigan wants your best effort but They demand your honesty and your respect.
There are days that I know I fall short of my best but I give the best that I could on that day. When night comes and I’m settling down I don’t tell Her “I offer you my best.” I tell her “I offer you the best of what I was able to do today and tomorrow I will strive to do better.”
If the best that I was able to do was get out of bed and nourish myself, do everything I can yet fail to keep myself from feeling overwhelmed, overcome, and find myself lacking- leaving me depressed… I offer Her my frustrations. I give myself the moment to claw myself back to self acceptance. I promise myself and Herself tomorrow.
When tomorrow comes I welcome the opportunity to see what my best effort will look like.
I keep moving forward.
Baby steps are still movement.
Movement is progress.
If I can move,
I’m still alive.
If I’m still alive
I can still strive.
To know Her
To know myself
To even learn to love myself
Better than I did yesterday.
Sometimes the sweat equity flows like rain from my eyes.
Torn between missing what I could once do and appreciating who I’ve become.
Each day I rise is another day to become,
Me.
I offer the bits that still fester.
Carrion for Her Ravens and Crows.
I feel they will never starve.
One day at a time.
One night at a time.
I let go of the self I was never meant to be…
Bit by bit.
These days there is more peace and less war within myself.
Patience and grace are Her gifts for me when I remember to reach out and accept them.
Day after day.
And when the battle rises within
So long as I am willing to lift the sword She gave me,
She fights beside me and guards my back.
She tells me I am worthy
She tells me I am strong.
It’s on me to believe Her and believe in myself.
And carry on.
I carry on.
~Deborah A. Meyerriecks (06/12/2021)
